Its been a crazy month, and I haven’t really felt like writing. I had a few great weekends, working on some really cool projects just for the sake of doing them, with no financial gain. In many aspects, they cost me money, which put my finances in a precarious situation.
I made a commitment to myself last month to work on faith, keeping it and following it. It’s not easy, but I can tell you this: Each time I focused on it, and let things go, it only took minutes for the answer to appear. I don’t want to call myself a skeptic, or even cynical, but I am reluctant to completely “Let Go And Let God”. To me, I still need to be in control, or at least have some responsibility that I should be participating, and not solely sitting back waiting for God to fix everything. “When my preparedness meets Gods plan is when things will fall into place” has always been more my motto. But to be honest, it always seems to fall back more on my preparedness and less on me trusting in Gods plan.
Here is just one example:
My 17 year old daughter and I had a chance to participate in a street art festival, with a combination of chalk art, street painting, and a small amount of graffiti art. There were artists from over 30 different countries, and we decided to participate in a big way. Rather than play it safe, we went with an attitude of “Go big or go home”. Failure for me is much easier to live with than a feeling of “I should have tried”. That type of thing lingers with me longer than any feeling of failure.
I was thinking of canceling a few days before. With work being slow, it seemed irresponsible to take the time and resources to go “play” rather than focusing on finding work. After talking with my dad, who is a rather rough, unemotional type of guy, I decided to do it. What did my Dad say? “At some point you have to decide if you are following the course God put you on. It doesn’t mean it will be easy or without peril. But if you know deep down that God wants you there, you need to just do it, and trust that the other parts will work out. Faith means believing when the demands of the world tell you something different.” For my Dad, that’s about as supportive as he can get. LOL
We did the festival and kicked ass. It was a great time, we knocked out an amazing piece, and I got to spend the weekend doing something incredible with my daughter. How many other people get to put their daughter in a position to spend time with some of the greatest street artists from all over the world? It was a fantastic experience for us both.
We got home late Sunday night, and by Tuesday I was a bit stressed that money was running out. Tuesday night Irish Girl came over and as we were talking, I apologized for being a bit distant, as I was strapped financially and the stress of it can send me off to some far, distant land. “Well”, she said, “I’m sure the minute to decide to let it go and put it in God’s hands that it will work out”. I agreed and spent the next minute or two reflecting on her words. It didn’t take long for me to unwind and focus on letting it go. Believe it or not, within 5 minutes of that, my phone rang, at 10pm, a call from a prospective client that I met with the following morning.
I can tell you countless stories similar to that over the last month, enough to know that it is more than coincidence, and its beginning to give me a deeper understanding of that whole part of faith whether it comes from Church, Deepak Choprah, Wayne Dyer or any other program that focuses on finding happiness or fulfillment in life. “Following your destiny” always tells you to follow it even in times when it doesn’t seem practical. While I still have an issue with feeling irresponsible by “letting go” it has opened me to see possibilities.
It has sent me back to church, and as luck would have it, its the beginning of Advent. If you are not familiar with the liturgical calendar, its the beginning of the church year for many Christian denominations. Aside from being the church “New Year”, Advent is a season for preparedness and reflection. Its the season to prepare for Christmas, in the sense of spending time reflecting on those areas in your life where you can make additional room for faith. As we would prepare our home for the arrival of a new baby by getting a nursery ready, its our time to prepare ourselves and begin making room for those areas in which we could use faith, or haven’t allowed it in completely.
I identify with Advent. I can see the need for preparedness. Even with the signs of faith I have been given over the last month, I’m still reluctant to completely give myself over to it. Having a season that says “Take this time to prepare yourself, and to make room for it” makes perfect sense to me.