I spent Halloween night at Irish Girl’s house. The kids were gone to a friends, her daughter was at a friends, and we were both looking to spend more intimate time together.
I tossed and turned all night. The next morning I was anxious, and anxious enough that she felt it and asked about it. She didn’t ask if I was anxious, because that was obvious. She commented that she knew I was anxious and asked if I wanted to leave.
I’m not sure what my issue is. I know I’m not a morning person, and before a few cups of coffee I prefer to be left alone.I enjoy solitude to start my day, along with the comfort of home. Being in someone else’s space just isn’t comfortable for me.There is also some undeniable trauma issue there, some sort of defense mechanism of not being in the right environment. I can’t pinpoint it, and I’m not going to try to analyze it.
When she made the comment, I was taken a bit off guard. How do you politely answer when someone says “You don’t feel comfortable in my house”? I paused for a minute and a million things went through my head. Spending weekends at the Widow’s house and waking up to kids watching cartoons, the idea of somehow abandoning the kids to spend the night elsewhere.
I answered honestly and told her that I wasn’t. It had nothing to do with her, and more of still finding my way. I felt bad and told her I hoped she wasn’t insulted. “No,” she said,”How could I be? Whatever things you have going on, they are yours to work out. All someone else can ask is that you be are honest in what you are feeling.”
Interesting….no fixing, no suggestions of how to make it better. Just be honest in the struggles.
The Codependent Guy 
What an absolute gem of a response she gave you!
Like you, I am uncomfortable staying over at friends’ homes – most of them live in Cape Town, 60km away – and like this morning at 3am, I would rather brave the drive home, than deal with the feelings that I am intruding in their space. Some friends understand. Some don’t. Thankfully one is forthright and says “This is not an offer out of pity or to control you – it is because I am offering the space out of love and friendship” She makes no attempt to fix my feelings or my co-dependency. She accepts me for the guy working through his co-dependency and his addiction – and there is power in that freedom.
Thanks for this post. I enjoyed it.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks Dave
Its good to know there are others who feel the same way. I enjoy being home and having solitude but I was beginning to wonder of it was quirky to become anxious. Lol. All I can say is I’m thankful to have someone in my life who cares for me with my shortcomings and not despite my shortcomings.
LikeLike
I loved her response. I remember after my divorce, just even kissing new lips was like a slap at first… thinking…. Ahh I can’t believe I am doing this dating thing again. Even though I divorced years ago and have been remarried even longer, Reading your post snaps me back! It gets easier. I still need to ease into the morning though… lol.
It’s kind of just like when you are a kid spending the night at a new friend’s house… looking forward to it was fun but going to bed and waking up at a strange house is not as comfortable at being home. But in the end, I think you have a keeper. I love people who set you free in all situations, have thick enough skin to realize that it’s not always about them and don’t serve you a mug of guilt! Believe me, it’s hard sleeping with someone new but it gets easier.
LikeLike
Thanks…i love that line “serving you a mug of guilt” !!!
LikeLiked by 1 person